Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
