...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
