You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's like a pop up book from hell.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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