somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
