taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dear god my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
