ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
