dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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