Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
