You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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