the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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