I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found puke in my bra..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
