Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
