okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
