I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
