Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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