I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
