The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize