How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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