I think my vagina is haunted
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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