Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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