I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
