I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
