the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
