I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
