The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
