So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
whose parrot is this?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
