If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
