I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
