You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
