I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
