you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
