I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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