I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
