im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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