Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
