I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
