Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
