She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
