If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
