made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
