I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
