all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
