Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
