He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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