i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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