I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
