captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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