Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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