and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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