It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My ass is underappreciated
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
