wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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