I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
