some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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