he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
