Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
