You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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