so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
