I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
