I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
