You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
