thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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