So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
