that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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