can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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