wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drunk is not a location!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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