he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
