Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
