Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
