Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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