okay pat passed out under dana's car
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
