dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
