So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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