I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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