You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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