It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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