at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
