how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
