When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
