new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
