I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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